Diet. It is important. If you eat good, you live good. And good is good. If you eat bad, you live bad. In this context, “Bad” here goes well beyond the spectrum of eating a diet loaded with processed foods, sugar and excessive calories. I’m talking about something different, and perhaps just as serious though often overlooked.
Disordered eating. This is not just a female issue. This nation has a mass-generated skewed perspectives on what it means to be attractive vs. what it means to be healthy. These two concepts — being sexy and being healthy — are actually one and the same. Unfortunately, our society has not embraced the attraction of health. Just like the steady diet of media and video game violence that poisoned high schools from the 90’s to present day, MTV, Maxim Magazine, and “Pro” Wrestling to their best to market a body image and to make said image synonymous with “success”.
If you want to be a pile of biceps, pecs, and abs like the Rock…well, he’s a descendant of Zeus sent to earth to make the greatest movie ever: Furious 7. Just kidding, but stay with me here. As a Greek God, I mean, common…Pagan rituals in Panhellenic Antiquity nearly always included an animal sacrifice. Those Gods were eating their bodyweight in t-bones and lamb chops like every single night. I wonder if they sacrificed any dessert for them. Can you kill a chocolate cake? I’m not going to look into it, but probably, yes…you can. But I digress. YOU NEED TO ***KING EAT!
Let’s look at some really, really depressing stats from the National Association of Anorexia Nervosa and Associated Disorders (ANAD):
Up to 24 million people in the U.S. suffer from an eating disorder
– Only 1 in 10 receive medical treatment of any kind
– Eating disorders have the highest mortality rate of ANY mental disorder
The National Eating Disorders Association (NEDA) estimates there are 10 MILLION MALES in the U.S. suffering form eating disorders. Now, the NEDA blames in part the “unobtainable muscularity of the ideal male body”, a.k.a The Rock, Ivan Drago, & the sexiest of men: James Spader.
Dudes, let’s talk some bro science. A sh*t diet (of poor quality or no quality) will cost a female her reproductive productivity. But did you know the same thing happens to men? Well, not the same exact thing…but something more or less equivalent: your dick won’t work. It won’t go up, it won’t go down, it won’t go side to side. In the words of Detective Greenly from the film The Boondock Saints, “Where you goin’? Nowhere!” (Imagine the detective yelling at your crotch for full effect)
According to Andrew McCullough, MD, “Anything that is bad for a man’s heart is also bad for his penis”. That is the most beautiful sentence ever constructed in the written word. It brings a new and positive connotation to “thinking with your dick”. Here are some additional tips on maintaining manhood readiness from WebMD, Protect Your Erection: 11 Tips…
1) Watch what you eat: that same terrible diet that restricts the blood flow of the coronary arteries can also impede blood flow to and within the penis (think garden hose)
2) Diabetes & Obesity can cause nerve damage of the wang, so keep the pounds off and do your kettlebell swings!
3) High blood pressure & cholesterol can damage the vessels that bring blood to the penis, a.k.a a dong hydraulics malfunction. So kettlebell swings? Yes?
4) Excessive alcohol consumption can screw up male hormone balance.
5) A sedentary lifestyles will make your poker sad. Again, get up and do you damn kettlebell swings!
6) Kegel exercises “don’t seem helpful”. No idea what that is. Sounds stupid. SWING!!!
7) Generally, testosterone drops in the 40’s. So when you hit 40, increase your bacon consumption, buy a muscle car, and join a rugby team.
8) Don’t do steroids. I cannot believe this is on the list.
9) Smoking. As if that whole caner thing isn’t enough motivation…
10) This next one is “some cases of erectile dysfunction stem from penile injuries that occur during sex”. What the hell are you doing in bed? On second thought, don’t tell me.
11) Last but not least, “Psychological stress boosts levels of the hormone adrenaline, which makes blood vessels contract.”
In regards to that last point, and in the words of Bill Hicks, “Don’t worry, don’t be afraid, ever, because this (life) is just a ride.” So shut up and enjoy your food so you can enjoy your sex!
And in case you want to investigate this yourself, here are some helpful resources for you to look into :
Eating Disorders Among Males
Eating Disorders Statistics
Protect Your Erection: 11 Tips
Men, eat smart and train hard! You’re entire body from top to bottom depends on it!
This is a public service announcement form your penis.
Dan Byrnes is a Level 1 Kettlebell Instructor through Steve Maxwell (maxwellsc.com) — who is a world renown fitness expert and one of the founders of Dragon Door. He currently instructs kettlebell classes at Primal Fitness Pittsburgh and is actively training for his Level 1 Strong First Kettlebell certification to be completed in 2016. To contact Dan directly for training inquiries, please email him at firstname.lastname@example.org.